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This morning was Mikey's IEP meeting. It was supposed to be done around April but seeing as how tomorrow is his last day, they moved it up so that I would be able to take it to the new school, which is definitely appreciated.
Of course, it wasn't great. Academically Mikey isn't doing as well as he could be according to everyone. They know he CAN do the work, the question is, will he? His day to day schoolwork was a mess, but individualized tests show him more than capable or anything they are giving him. Of course, they have to take the whole picture.
His behavior was a big topic, and on that particular note, while he just started the new med last night, he has been off the old one since last Thursday and we have seen steady improvement as it has filtered out of his system. Today he got 116/120 points at school.. this was the first week he has scored over 100 in a LONG time so I do believe the medication was not a good fit for him.
While most goals stay the same, his teacher did add one thing under Assitive Methods/Devices, and that was for Mikey to be able to use a word processor/computer for some work if possible. She said they have never seen a child whose handwriting did not improve over the years until Mikey. It's awful. She was not able to implement that this year because it was not written into his last IEP or she would have during FCATs, but next year they will be able to.
So it was about what I expected, which mostly wasn't good. But also, it could have been worse.. right?
As far as the move goes, we've pushed it back a few days. Jason had to order a part for our car which won't be here till Friday, then he will have to spend all day Saturday fixing it. He still has to pack up the shed and back porch so it just seemed easier to move later in the week. Jason and Mikey are both off anyways.
I have been packing the inside of the house. Heather's bedroom is done, our bed and bathroom is mostly done, the kids bathroom hardly has anything in it, and the living room is getting started. Mikey's room I will probably save for last, so as to cause him the least amount of issues. Packing is rough! I am throwing away as much as I can but.. yeah.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Getting Mikey Excited To Move
Well, we've been talking about it for about 6 months now. The big day is only a few weeks off. The last week of March, while Jason is on vacation and Mikey is out of school for Spring Break, we'll be moving from Deltona, back to Orlando.
In a very lucky move for us, we'll be taking over Dad and Cindy's place, as they prepare for their new home in North Carolina. It will save us considerable money, and we'll be closer to alot of family. I'll be watching my niece to help my step-sister (a single mom) out during the day. Jason will be closer to work, which is less gas and less wear and tear on our already failing car.
All in all it's a win-win. Except for one thing. Mikey. Being autistic, change is one of the hardest things he has to deal with. New things cause him lots of anxiety. He likes routine, predictability, and stability. Take this school year for example. It's been nothing but hard for him. Going from three years of the same teacher, routine, and classroom to a totally new setting and well.. you guys have read most of my posts on how its gone.
The last few weeks to a month or so he has gotten worse and I know its because of anxiety about the move. There's just no way around it, but arguing and fighting with him about it wasn't doing either of us ANY good. I needed to find a way, on his level, to get him excited about it.. at least PART of it.
First off.. make the new house look as much like the old house as possible. While Mikey is angling for the same color paint in the living room (a feat I am not even sure is possible), I have agreed to set his bedroom up exactly like it is here. Bedroom, bookcase, etc all in the same place.. posters up the same way.. shelves, etc. Same with Heather's room, except we'll be replacing the crib she only slept in for a few months with a new big girl bed.
Same for the living room too, as much as we can. Another thing that he is excited about, is helping us pick out NEW things for the house. The kids bathroom has been Spiderman themed since before Heather was born. I asked him if he'd like to help me pick all ALL NEW stuff for their bathroom and he was way more into that then I thought he'd be. He said he wanted to help us pick out EVERYTHING for the new house. Well, ok.
These things are somewhat small in the grand scheme but anything is something. He will be at a whole new school (and not the one I thought he'd go to) and I don't expect it to go well. Perhaps the summer will make things a little easier for him, but I take what I can get.
In a very lucky move for us, we'll be taking over Dad and Cindy's place, as they prepare for their new home in North Carolina. It will save us considerable money, and we'll be closer to alot of family. I'll be watching my niece to help my step-sister (a single mom) out during the day. Jason will be closer to work, which is less gas and less wear and tear on our already failing car.
All in all it's a win-win. Except for one thing. Mikey. Being autistic, change is one of the hardest things he has to deal with. New things cause him lots of anxiety. He likes routine, predictability, and stability. Take this school year for example. It's been nothing but hard for him. Going from three years of the same teacher, routine, and classroom to a totally new setting and well.. you guys have read most of my posts on how its gone.
The last few weeks to a month or so he has gotten worse and I know its because of anxiety about the move. There's just no way around it, but arguing and fighting with him about it wasn't doing either of us ANY good. I needed to find a way, on his level, to get him excited about it.. at least PART of it.
First off.. make the new house look as much like the old house as possible. While Mikey is angling for the same color paint in the living room (a feat I am not even sure is possible), I have agreed to set his bedroom up exactly like it is here. Bedroom, bookcase, etc all in the same place.. posters up the same way.. shelves, etc. Same with Heather's room, except we'll be replacing the crib she only slept in for a few months with a new big girl bed.
Same for the living room too, as much as we can. Another thing that he is excited about, is helping us pick out NEW things for the house. The kids bathroom has been Spiderman themed since before Heather was born. I asked him if he'd like to help me pick all ALL NEW stuff for their bathroom and he was way more into that then I thought he'd be. He said he wanted to help us pick out EVERYTHING for the new house. Well, ok.
These things are somewhat small in the grand scheme but anything is something. He will be at a whole new school (and not the one I thought he'd go to) and I don't expect it to go well. Perhaps the summer will make things a little easier for him, but I take what I can get.
Friday, March 05, 2010
The Funeral
Yesterday was a really rough, emotional day for me. I figured it would be. Dad and Cindy came by and got me around 9:15 am and we headed out. We met my Aunt, Uncle and cousin at the funeral home. Granny and Grampy were behind us and my Dad's best friend of over 20 years came also. I thought it was an incredibly nice gesture for them to come, seeing as how they have no relation to her. The more family around (and Dave is like family after all this time) the better support.
It was hard to go into the viewing area. It was closed casket, as it had been for both my Nana and Granddad. Grandma had always said she didn't like open casket and I can't say I blame her, so I wasn't surprised. My Grandma Millsap's viewing had been open casket and it took me the better part of an hour or so to go in. In the end two of my cousins went with me. To each their own, but I think when it's my time, I'd prefer closed casket too.
My cousin Diana had made two collages. One was my Grandmother growing up. There were pictures of her as a girl, a teen, a young adult. Pictures of her with both my Dad and Uncle as babies. The other collage was of her family. Grandma with my Nana, Granddad, my cousins and myself. Even Mikey was in there. I think my favorite was the one of us at my wedding. We all looked really happy. Even better, some of the pictures of my Granddad were before the stroke. She did a wonderful job and it was nice to look at those and remember all the things we had done.
The viewing was an hour long, in which of course, we met many people who knew her. Most I didn't know, but a few I did, including an old Sunday School teacher. Alot of stories about my Grandma. During this time we learned about a ring my grandmother had been wearing when she passed. They had asked if she should be buried with it, but my Dad and Uncle said no. Originally we weren't sure what ring it was, turned out to be her high school class ring. I remember her showing it to me and she wore it just as much as her wedding ring.
The first part of the service was some singing and talking about the facts of Grandma's life. The singing was probably the hardest part for me. I remember my Grandma singing those songs. I even remember singing one myself, with my Grandma signing the verses and then us signing the chorus together. One of my favorite memories.
Then came the actual service. I certainly have mixed feelings about that. Not going to get into it all here but I wasn't thrilled completely with how it was handled, although there were nice moments. I suppose after my Nana and Granddad's funerals I should have expected the "If you aren't saved you are going to HELL" part of the service but it didn't make it any easier. No offense to any Christians, but the FUNERAL of a loved one is not IMO the time to be telling them they are doomed. But that's just me.
Lastly came the graveside service, which wasn't too much, a few words and that was all. I got a rose off my Grandma's casket (well someone got it for me). Some people threw their roses into the grave where she'd be lain to rest. I kept mine. After some mingling, thank yous, and more condolences, it was over.
Afterwards we all met at a small Italian restaurant up the street. It was nice to spend some time with everyone, especially the family I don't see much. My Dad or my Uncle alone are pretty funny guys. You put them together and it's hard to stop laughing. Add my Dad's best friend into the mix and yeah.. it was a good few hours of laughing, good food and reminiscing.
Finally however it was time to go. We all said our goodbye's, Dad and Uncle Mark went thru a few more things we had gotten from the funeral home and that was it. Right before we left the restaurant, my Dad gave me my Grandma's high school ring.
It's hard to explain how much that meant to me. Having a piece of her.. a very old and important piece, means more to me than I can express. I will treasure it and more than likely one day pass it to Heather.
As we were leaving Citrus County I remarked to my Dad and Cindy that it was hard to believe I'd likely never be back. I'd been coming out here all my life. I knew landmarks like the back of my hand. So many memories out here. And now that's the end of them.
But if the pastor got anything right during the service, it's that my Grandmother wanted to go. She wanted to be with My Granddad. Now she is, along with her parents and multiple other special people in her life. She's probably pretty happy up there. It doesn't mean I will miss her any less...
It was hard to go into the viewing area. It was closed casket, as it had been for both my Nana and Granddad. Grandma had always said she didn't like open casket and I can't say I blame her, so I wasn't surprised. My Grandma Millsap's viewing had been open casket and it took me the better part of an hour or so to go in. In the end two of my cousins went with me. To each their own, but I think when it's my time, I'd prefer closed casket too.
My cousin Diana had made two collages. One was my Grandmother growing up. There were pictures of her as a girl, a teen, a young adult. Pictures of her with both my Dad and Uncle as babies. The other collage was of her family. Grandma with my Nana, Granddad, my cousins and myself. Even Mikey was in there. I think my favorite was the one of us at my wedding. We all looked really happy. Even better, some of the pictures of my Granddad were before the stroke. She did a wonderful job and it was nice to look at those and remember all the things we had done.
The viewing was an hour long, in which of course, we met many people who knew her. Most I didn't know, but a few I did, including an old Sunday School teacher. Alot of stories about my Grandma. During this time we learned about a ring my grandmother had been wearing when she passed. They had asked if she should be buried with it, but my Dad and Uncle said no. Originally we weren't sure what ring it was, turned out to be her high school class ring. I remember her showing it to me and she wore it just as much as her wedding ring.
The first part of the service was some singing and talking about the facts of Grandma's life. The singing was probably the hardest part for me. I remember my Grandma singing those songs. I even remember singing one myself, with my Grandma signing the verses and then us signing the chorus together. One of my favorite memories.
Then came the actual service. I certainly have mixed feelings about that. Not going to get into it all here but I wasn't thrilled completely with how it was handled, although there were nice moments. I suppose after my Nana and Granddad's funerals I should have expected the "If you aren't saved you are going to HELL" part of the service but it didn't make it any easier. No offense to any Christians, but the FUNERAL of a loved one is not IMO the time to be telling them they are doomed. But that's just me.
Lastly came the graveside service, which wasn't too much, a few words and that was all. I got a rose off my Grandma's casket (well someone got it for me). Some people threw their roses into the grave where she'd be lain to rest. I kept mine. After some mingling, thank yous, and more condolences, it was over.
Afterwards we all met at a small Italian restaurant up the street. It was nice to spend some time with everyone, especially the family I don't see much. My Dad or my Uncle alone are pretty funny guys. You put them together and it's hard to stop laughing. Add my Dad's best friend into the mix and yeah.. it was a good few hours of laughing, good food and reminiscing.
Finally however it was time to go. We all said our goodbye's, Dad and Uncle Mark went thru a few more things we had gotten from the funeral home and that was it. Right before we left the restaurant, my Dad gave me my Grandma's high school ring.
It's hard to explain how much that meant to me. Having a piece of her.. a very old and important piece, means more to me than I can express. I will treasure it and more than likely one day pass it to Heather.
As we were leaving Citrus County I remarked to my Dad and Cindy that it was hard to believe I'd likely never be back. I'd been coming out here all my life. I knew landmarks like the back of my hand. So many memories out here. And now that's the end of them.
But if the pastor got anything right during the service, it's that my Grandmother wanted to go. She wanted to be with My Granddad. Now she is, along with her parents and multiple other special people in her life. She's probably pretty happy up there. It doesn't mean I will miss her any less...
Monday, March 01, 2010
Remembering Grandma
My grandmother passed away Saturday, February 27th 2010. You could say it was expected, as her health has been deteriorating lately. But I am not sure you are ever ready for the death of someone you love. I sure wasn't.
My Grandma was such an amazing person. It was easy to be slightly scared by her as a child. She brooked NO insolence and one look from her could freeze you and have you seriously reconsidering your actions. You just didn't mess with Grandma. But I remember other stuff too. Like a trip to the toy store when I turned 6. Summers spent tagging along to the Deaf Service Center. Letters back and forth when I was in the hospital.. so many things.
We were close. I took an instant affinity to sign language. Grandma was a Deaf Interpreter and I remember taking classes as young as 5 with my Mom where my grandma was teaching. We'd sign often during summers where I wanted to practice. I spent as much time as I could at her job, talking to deaf people, and eventually took college courses in that direction.
But aside from a mutual love for ASL, we had closeness. Grandma was very religious.. Southern Baptist. I spent most of my childhood the daughter of a preacher so I got that part. I was never fond of witnessing (canvassing areas for other people to try and get them to come to church). There were several things IN the Bible I wasn't down with (issues with gay marriage for one.. I felt strongly about this before I ever graduated high school) but overall I would spend spring breaks with Grandma doing her church's revivals and whatnot. I liked the camaraderie, the singing, friendship, food.. even if I didn't always agree with the message.
As strong as Grandma felt about her religion.. she didn't try to force other people to feel the same nor did she necessarily block people who felt different. No, she wasn't down with discussing say Wiccan.. so much. But she didn't begrudge those who chose that path. She just wasn't able to listen to it.
When I got pregnant with Mikey and time came to tell Grandma I was worried, I won't lie. We weren't married. Totally against her religion. I am not sure I could have heard a prouder Grandma than her over the phone that day. She was thrilled. She was there for Mikey's birth. She was at our wedding. And at no point in any of that did she make us feel bad for having a child out of wedlock. She loved Mikey, Jason and me all together.
I could be here for days telling you how amazing my Grandma was. Literally. But I doubt anyone would stick around that long. Suffice to say.. she shaped me. She played a major role in the woman I am today. I don't nor have I ever judged someone based on beliefs or ideals. My own parents also instilled this in me but hey.. where do you think My Dad got it from?
Lastly.. her loyalty. My grandfather had a stroke when I was 14. I remember it all like yesterday. Getting called out of school.. the drive.. the hospital for days.. the rehab.. him coming home. He wasn't the same man and he never would be. I still loved him.. always will. But as an adult now I can see the difficulties it presented my grandmother.
Imagine having the person you love, married, had kids with... permanently disabled. I can see it clearer now.. with Mikey. A day off pills for him and you are ready for the loony bin (love you anyways buddy). Every single day for the next ten years my Grandma worked with him. I know it wasn't easy. I remember Dad talking to him sometimes about working with her better. Granddad couldn't help it. I imagine inside, he was as angry about what happened to him as we were. But he was the one living it.
She refused any offer to put him in a nursing home. She took care of him and in the latter stages my Nana (her mom) all the way up to the very end. She didn't have to. She could have sent him somewhere and visited and you know what. It would have been ok. She had enough to deal with anyways. But she didn't. She loved him that much.. that it was her.. taking care of him. All the way up to the end.
My Granddad and Nana passed away within months of each other in 1999. Since then, its just been Grandma. She herself had to go to a nursing home years ago. And I haven't been able to see her as much as I would have liked due to Mikey's issues and Jason's work schedule. But ..
Grandma.. you were simply put one of the most amazing women I have known. I adored you down to the tips of my toes as a kid/teenager and it never really changed. I wish you didn't have to go.. I wish you could stay. I would love for Heather to get to know you. But don't worry. She's going to hear all about you.. and how you were there for me.. and all the things I admire about you. I love you Grandma.
More later after the funeral..
My Grandma was such an amazing person. It was easy to be slightly scared by her as a child. She brooked NO insolence and one look from her could freeze you and have you seriously reconsidering your actions. You just didn't mess with Grandma. But I remember other stuff too. Like a trip to the toy store when I turned 6. Summers spent tagging along to the Deaf Service Center. Letters back and forth when I was in the hospital.. so many things.
We were close. I took an instant affinity to sign language. Grandma was a Deaf Interpreter and I remember taking classes as young as 5 with my Mom where my grandma was teaching. We'd sign often during summers where I wanted to practice. I spent as much time as I could at her job, talking to deaf people, and eventually took college courses in that direction.
But aside from a mutual love for ASL, we had closeness. Grandma was very religious.. Southern Baptist. I spent most of my childhood the daughter of a preacher so I got that part. I was never fond of witnessing (canvassing areas for other people to try and get them to come to church). There were several things IN the Bible I wasn't down with (issues with gay marriage for one.. I felt strongly about this before I ever graduated high school) but overall I would spend spring breaks with Grandma doing her church's revivals and whatnot. I liked the camaraderie, the singing, friendship, food.. even if I didn't always agree with the message.
As strong as Grandma felt about her religion.. she didn't try to force other people to feel the same nor did she necessarily block people who felt different. No, she wasn't down with discussing say Wiccan.. so much. But she didn't begrudge those who chose that path. She just wasn't able to listen to it.
When I got pregnant with Mikey and time came to tell Grandma I was worried, I won't lie. We weren't married. Totally against her religion. I am not sure I could have heard a prouder Grandma than her over the phone that day. She was thrilled. She was there for Mikey's birth. She was at our wedding. And at no point in any of that did she make us feel bad for having a child out of wedlock. She loved Mikey, Jason and me all together.
I could be here for days telling you how amazing my Grandma was. Literally. But I doubt anyone would stick around that long. Suffice to say.. she shaped me. She played a major role in the woman I am today. I don't nor have I ever judged someone based on beliefs or ideals. My own parents also instilled this in me but hey.. where do you think My Dad got it from?
Lastly.. her loyalty. My grandfather had a stroke when I was 14. I remember it all like yesterday. Getting called out of school.. the drive.. the hospital for days.. the rehab.. him coming home. He wasn't the same man and he never would be. I still loved him.. always will. But as an adult now I can see the difficulties it presented my grandmother.
Imagine having the person you love, married, had kids with... permanently disabled. I can see it clearer now.. with Mikey. A day off pills for him and you are ready for the loony bin (love you anyways buddy). Every single day for the next ten years my Grandma worked with him. I know it wasn't easy. I remember Dad talking to him sometimes about working with her better. Granddad couldn't help it. I imagine inside, he was as angry about what happened to him as we were. But he was the one living it.
She refused any offer to put him in a nursing home. She took care of him and in the latter stages my Nana (her mom) all the way up to the very end. She didn't have to. She could have sent him somewhere and visited and you know what. It would have been ok. She had enough to deal with anyways. But she didn't. She loved him that much.. that it was her.. taking care of him. All the way up to the end.
My Granddad and Nana passed away within months of each other in 1999. Since then, its just been Grandma. She herself had to go to a nursing home years ago. And I haven't been able to see her as much as I would have liked due to Mikey's issues and Jason's work schedule. But ..
Grandma.. you were simply put one of the most amazing women I have known. I adored you down to the tips of my toes as a kid/teenager and it never really changed. I wish you didn't have to go.. I wish you could stay. I would love for Heather to get to know you. But don't worry. She's going to hear all about you.. and how you were there for me.. and all the things I admire about you. I love you Grandma.
More later after the funeral..
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