Remembering Grandma

My grandmother passed away Saturday, February 27th 2010. You could say it was expected, as her health has been deteriorating lately. But I am not sure you are ever ready for the death of someone you love. I sure wasn't.

My Grandma was such an amazing person. It was easy to be slightly scared by her as a child. She brooked NO insolence and one look from her could freeze you and have you seriously reconsidering your actions. You just didn't mess with Grandma. But I remember other stuff too. Like a trip to the toy store when I turned 6. Summers spent tagging along to the Deaf Service Center. Letters back and forth when I was in the hospital.. so many things.

We were close. I took an instant affinity to sign language. Grandma was a Deaf Interpreter and I remember taking classes as young as 5 with my Mom where my grandma was teaching. We'd sign often during summers where I wanted to practice. I spent as much time as I could at her job, talking to deaf people, and eventually took college courses in that direction.

But aside from a mutual love for ASL, we had closeness. Grandma was very religious.. Southern Baptist. I spent most of my childhood the daughter of a preacher so I got that part. I was never fond of witnessing (canvassing areas for other people to try and get them to come to church). There were several things IN the Bible I wasn't down with (issues with gay marriage for one.. I felt strongly about this before I ever graduated high school) but overall I would spend spring breaks with Grandma doing her church's revivals and whatnot. I liked the camaraderie, the singing, friendship, food.. even if I didn't always agree with the message.

As strong as Grandma felt about her religion.. she didn't try to force other people to feel the same nor did she necessarily block people who felt different. No, she wasn't down with discussing say Wiccan.. so much. But she didn't begrudge those who chose that path. She just wasn't able to listen to it.

When I got pregnant with Mikey and time came to tell Grandma I was worried, I won't lie. We weren't married. Totally against her religion. I am not sure I could have heard a prouder Grandma than her over the phone that day. She was thrilled. She was there for Mikey's birth. She was at our wedding. And at no point in any of that did she make us feel bad for having a child out of wedlock. She loved Mikey, Jason and me all together.

I could be here for days telling you how amazing my Grandma was. Literally. But I doubt anyone would stick around that long. Suffice to say.. she shaped me. She played a major role in the woman I am today. I don't nor have I ever judged someone based on beliefs or ideals. My own parents also instilled this in me but hey.. where do you think My Dad got it from?

Lastly.. her loyalty. My grandfather had a stroke when I was 14. I remember it all like yesterday. Getting called out of school.. the drive.. the hospital for days.. the rehab.. him coming home. He wasn't the same man and he never would be. I still loved him.. always will. But as an adult now I can see the difficulties it presented my grandmother.

Imagine having the person you love, married, had kids with... permanently disabled. I can see it clearer now.. with Mikey. A day off pills for him and you are ready for the loony bin (love you anyways buddy). Every single day for the next ten years my Grandma worked with him. I know it wasn't easy. I remember Dad talking to him sometimes about working with her better. Granddad couldn't help it. I imagine inside, he was as angry about what happened to him as we were. But he was the one living it.







She refused any offer to put him in a nursing home. She took care of him and in the latter stages my Nana (her mom) all the way up to the very end. She didn't have to. She could have sent him somewhere and visited and you know what. It would have been ok. She had enough to deal with anyways. But she didn't. She loved him that much.. that it was her.. taking care of him. All the way up to the end.

My Granddad and Nana passed away within months of each other in 1999. Since then, its just been Grandma. She herself had to go to a nursing home years ago. And I haven't been able to see her as much as I would have liked due to Mikey's issues and Jason's work schedule. But ..

Grandma.. you were simply put one of the most amazing women I have known. I adored you down to the tips of my toes as a kid/teenager and it never really changed. I wish you didn't have to go.. I wish you could stay. I would love for Heather to get to know you. But don't worry. She's going to hear all about you.. and how you were there for me.. and all the things I admire about you. I love you Grandma.

More later after the funeral..