A Very Bad Dentist Trip

Today was Mikey's first appointment to have a cavity removed. I could tell he was having a bad day to start out with but we went ahead anyhow.

Basically, long story short, by the time it was over I was screaming at them to let him go, we were both crying and Mikey could barely breathe from how upset he was.

They did try ways to get him to be ok, they explained things over and over but Mikey's mouth is a big problem and while he's really never had a problem with the dentist, they numbed his mouth (can you imagine how that must feel with sensory issues?) clamped some silver thing in his mouth, covered it with some latex or rubber coating I mean..I don't blame him.

They gave him sunglasses, a mirror to see what was going on, the whole nine yards but he was very very VERY upset and then they suggested some restraint device so he couldn't move his arms.

I will be damned if I am putting my child (autistic or not) in a strait jacket so he can't move and letting you guys go at it. No freaking way, he'd be traumatized (if he isn't already).

Am I overreacting? I felt they were way to rough with him (trying to hold his head down and turn him to face them) a little too sharp in their tone like they were frustrated with him and then angry at me for not MAKING him do it.

I didn't WANT to sedate him but I don't want to ever do THAT to him again. I said we could come back on his next scheduled visit, try again. But I don't know if I ever wanna go back there again or if he'd even walk in the door.

And Other Added Stress

Jason's job is precarious. They've lost a number of good accounts, laid off a bunch of people. Jason's job isnt necessarily subject to layoff.. he's been there a long time....but what if they go under? What if they sell out? We're not sure what we would do as we barely manage now and a job loss.. we'd likely lose the house.

I don't care that much about the house. I don't like it, I don't think we were ready. But if our credit gets mangled, we're screwed to rent as well. Sure, we could stay with my Mom, all four of us in one room, chillin... but I'd rather not.

Oh and.. back last month, when the shit with the car happened, I forgot to take my BC pill for four days that week. I take it for regularity and help with PMS symptoms, obviously Jason is snipped so no pregnancy worries.

SO after that week I decided to just wait until I got my period and start again. But.. I never got it..

As it stands now I am 3 weeks late. I was slightly freaking. I told Jason and said I wanted to get a pregnancy test. He's like "Why, you can't be pregnant??""

"Yes I can, it's happened..that stuff grows back sometimes."

"Well, how would I know if that happened??"

"..... when I got pregnant....."

*crickets*

So, against his better judgement (Thats $10 we can spend better elsewhere!!!!).. I got a pregnancy test. My idea??

It will tell me one way or the other. 3 weeks late, no way to be wrong... it either say NOT PREGNANT and I can relax or it says PREGNANT and we can start getting ready.

Thank God.. it was a big fat NOT PREGNANT.

So after that (crying tears of relief).. I called my Gynecologist. Explained the situation.. I know I am not pregnant, but I messed up with BC pills and would like to know what I can do to get back on track.

"Oh, hey, you are due for your annual"

"Shit.. I mean yeah.. ok.. let's schedule that"

So I will be going next Tuesday for my exam and to discuss this. If I have not yet started they can possibly give me something to get me going.

Anyone see why my stress levels are through the roof???

Failing As A Parent

You guys know me. You know I do all my research.. I have tons of sites I visit, RSS feeds, CNN articles everything I can learn about Autism I do.

And still.. I am completely at a loss. Mikey has gotten into this phase where he talks about killing himself.. or someone killing him. He wants to die. He wants to find a gun. I HATE saying this but I have to get it out because I do NOT know what to do.

He says he hates his face. After further questioning apparently it has to do with Jason teasing him. (at least that he can recall). Jason has always teased, he teases them both and for Jason it's like "I tease you because I love you".

But Mikey doesn't get it. He used to be ok with teasing and wrestling. Now he hates it. He loves Jason but he is always complaining that 'Daddy is too rough, Daddy doesn't like my face, Daddy is too much for me'.. it hurts Jason alot because Jason adores him. And he can't understand what to do to get closer to Mikey. He wants to spend time with him, do things as a father and son but Mikey doesn't do the 'normal' things. And Jason is having trouble connecting with him on another level.

I got called by his teacher a few weeks ago. I cried for almost an hour after. They had to legally ask me if we had guns in the house due to what Mikey was saying. We don't but honestly, I barely held back tears on the phone as they described to me everything going on. I had to go in the morning, sign paperwork, and they handed me a paper that dealt with therapy.. family and single.. to help with things.

Guys, I am at a loss. I watch him, my amazing, super smart adorable Mikey cry about how he hates himself and I wanna cry with him. WHY?? What did we do? All I ever do is tell him how smart he is.. smart enough so that I can't even help him sometimes. I hug and kiss him all the time.. I do everything I can to be there for him, talk to him (even if its on Yahoo....) I mean...he's SEVEN.. Seven year olds don't hate themselves do they???

I have talked to one or two people.. one says his daughter (now 13) was like that from about 5 on.. shes not autistic, its just how she was. He is hoping she had cleared that hurdle but he understands how hard it is too.

And for my parents.. I am sorry :( You guys know what I mean.

So I am seriously thinking now about some therapy for him (and us as a family). I don't know the cost, don't know how that covers thru insurance or FSA but I can't stand another day of my baby saying he wants to die. I want him to love himself and be happy. Whatever the cost.

Heather's 3 yr Dr visit.. late

Ok I suck at making dr visits. Heather is on the delayed vax schedule and isnt going to preschool so I forget.

Regardless she had her 3 yr appt today. She's 39 lbs and 39 inches long (3 ft 3 in). Folks she is like 12 lbs less than Mikey. He needs to eat more.

Of course she is progressing in everything, no worries. She told the nurse and Dr about her recent knee injury (she had a nasty fall running across the street for Mikey's bus.. yes I hold her hand but at the last minute she let go, tripped and dug a hole in her knee. The lady who lives at the house and has a son going there is a nurse and patched her up, it was bad).

She told them she was learning to potty (Bullshit.. ok she does when she wants but she will only wear panties for like 2 mins and rarely comes to tell me to go potty.. I am on her ass and still I miss it.. UGH)...and of course she's smart. She had her 3rd Polio vaccine to get also.

Not one to lie, I told her she'd have a little hurt but then it would be done and she's get a lollipop. Nothing tears you up more than hearing her scream, promising her it's over and having her ask in between sniffles "It's *sniff hic* all *sniffle* done Mommy???" Yes baby.. all done.. let's get your lollipop.

Then she was ok. So she's happy, healthy.. typical bratty 3 yr old.

Tomorrow Mikey sees the Ped dentist for his cavity..

Heather Can Spell Her Name!

So Heather likes to go sites like noggin.com, pbskids.org and nickjr.com and play the games. Alot of them are very educational and she has learned to read a little, sound out letters, match patterns, etc etc.

Alot of the sites want you to put your name in and I got tired of getting up all the time to type it for her. So a few weeks ago I said "You try it... what does Heather start with?" I expected her to get this because when we practice alphabet I would often say "H is for Heather!"

So she said H and typed it in. Then I said "What's next?" and she said E! She missed the A and the 2nd H but all on her own she spelled 'Heter" which is pretty darn good I thought.

So ever since then I have practiced with her when she needed to type her name and she can now successfully spell her whole first name. I am very proud of her!!

The Key

So.. every week when we down 25 man Sapphiron, a key drops.. not only does it grant the user (and the raid) the chance to fight Malygos but it gives the user their Best In Slot neckpiece when they DO defeat Malygos.

And every week the officers of the guild do a vote on who should get the key this week. Then the Guld Leader gives a nice speech on why said person is getting the key and everyone says "Awwwww".

So this week she starts talking. "Ok well, I know I usually have all these nice things to say about the person who gets the key but this week it's going to the biggest pervert in the guild" and immediately three people on vent say "KYNSIE!" "It's Kynsie!!" and I got like 3-4 whispers "GRATS!!"... um..

Ok so yeah I got it but LOL.. she did say some nice things about me afterwards :/

Speaking of Wow I thought I would throw a screenshot up, this is Kel'Thuzad, for those who play WoW and read my blog. If you don't feel free to ignore!



SO how do I play like that?? Let me tell you. Across the top is Fubar, tracks a ton of addons, my money, my locations, the guild, my auctions, etc etc.

I use Pitbull for raid frames, shows my party across the top. ORA2 provides my tank list, going down the left side. The Range Check is just for that fight, I need to be 10 yards away from everyone else. That tiny brown box that says "Kel ' Thuzad?" thats Omen.. it detects threat levels so you know if (as DPS) you need to back off. I never measure as a healer so I barely look at it.

Across the bottom I have Autobar first off, which has all my consumables, quest items, pots, a few spells and buffs. Underneath, there are 3 boxes (provided by eepanels). The first box contains all my spells and buffs again, pots, etc. It may seems stupid to have two ways to get it but I use both things for different items. I would like to consolidate one day but I havent yet.

Middle box is my chat and combat logs, any guild/raid/party chat and also what goes on in combat.

Last box is my baby. My Healbot. Say what you will Grid and Clique users, I cant change. I have 3 spells bound to my right/middle and left mouse keys, my most used spells. I hover over a name in the frame, click what I need to click and they get healed.

If I add Shift, alt or ctrl with a mouse key, new things happens. I can Shift right click and shield.. I can Ctrl left click and Prayer of Mending.. and on and on. That is the majority of what I use right there. Healbot = <3.

Going up the right side is Elkanos Buff Bars.. they tell me every single buff I have and for how long.. you can also get rid of them by right clicking. And above that my mini map. Which is useless to me because I fucking get lost EVERYWHERE. Its my other MO "Kynsie the perv and yeah, she gets lost everywhere".

The combat text in the middle shows whats going on at the time. Anything going to the left is fading, the the right is gained. It used to annoy me but now I love it.

Anyways thats my UI.. I am loking to tweak and change it some if anyone has any great addons they like, I would love to know.

Also WTB raid member who can "GET OUT OF A FUCKING VOID ZONE OR FLAME WALL ALREADY WTF"

Thanks...

A Family Outing (Of the Not-So-Pleasant Kind)

This morning we all got up early, even Jason, for a family trip to... the dentist.

Good times? Yeah, not really but it had to be done. I moved the kids over here so we could all be in the same place. We have gone for years and took the kids to a pediatric dentist mainly for worries over Mikey (which have never really been an issue).

They took Jason back first and then came for Heather. She went back just fine, got in the chair and would let them in to count her teeth but that was it. Nothing else. They asked about previous dental experiences and I said yeah, I usually had to hold her so they could clean her teeth.

They do NOT do that here. I have to say I always felt bad, now I feel worse. She said they only do what the kids can handle and let them get comfortable. She didn't think Heather honestly should have even been going that early except maybe for the sole purpose of getting used to being there. I thought I was doing the right thing :( I am glad we moved them now though.

Mikey, as usual, did fine. He let them take X-rays, showed them where he was worried a tooth hadn't come in yet and they showed him x-rays of the tooth VERY close to breaking through.They got all his cleaning done and said he had a cavity :( It's his very first one.

They said they noticed plaque also and I told them that yes, he will let me brush his teeth but you cant spend long in his mouth before he starts to wig out. I guess I need to work a little bit harder. They suggested a Pedodontist for his filling, as he would likely need to be sedated and they don't do that with kids.

Then it was my turn. I got my usual lecture about flossing (yes yes I know I should). I always start out great but after a few months it dwindles off. So I have renewed my efforts yet again.

Anyways, not the most wonderful family outing I could have imagined but at least we know our teeth are clean!

Harry Potter Trailer!!

http://mugglenet.com/app/news/full_story/2214

OMG.. I cannot wait..

Sibling Conflict

I don't care what my parents say. Heather is the devil and she's nothing like I was.

Everything coming out of her mouth is a scream, a hair toss, arms crossed, chin jutted out. She believes she is fully correct on any issue and everyone else is wrong.

I don't hit my kids but I have had to yank her up and physically move her at times when she would just flat out stick her feet in somewhere she shouldn't be and refuse to move. She's got attitude, arrogance and way too much of both.

Mikey was never like this. He has his issues today but even still. Pretend to be ME..for one second.

Mikey at home on the computer.. Heather running around playing....me cleaning/laundry/whatever... Heather will be messing around and make some noise Mikey doesn't like. The SECOND she finds out he doesn't like it... she amplifies it and does it faster.

So then I am trying to hush her up, move her to her room, encourage Mikey to ignore her, ANYTHING...and I get that under control.

While moving laundry from washer to dryer Mikey starts to freak out. Heather is playing with the cable wires..fine I pick her up and move her but within seconds she goes RIGHT back.. watches Mikey...and picks up a wire.

I get Heather settled, dinner done, dishes going in the washer, kids fed, etc etc. Mikey says "Heather needs to go to bed".. SCREAMS like you would not believe ensue.. I try to ask Mikey NOT to say that.. I will get her to bed. But every night, more than once "NO Heather its bedtime" "SCREAMMMMMMMMMM"... and on and on..

Neither of them are saints. They bait the other, say things, throw things, engage in arguments I ask them to ignore.. but every single day I deal with them. When they interact together...it's great. They play together wonderful (when they want).

Any other time... it's like a mission to drive me insane.

I can have xanax please??