House Rules

Dad sent me this book a bit ago to read. It's a novel about an 18 yr old boy with Aspergers syndrome, obsessed with crime scenes (and very knowledgeable about them) who ends up becoming the suspect in a murder investigation. It revolved around the family (single mom, 16 yr old 'NT' brother) and basically how the hallmarks of being autistic (no eye contact, stimming, inappropriate responses to things) can look alot like guilt to the police.

I have to say this was the hardest book I ever read. I had to limit myself to reading after the kids were in bed and Jason wasn't home because I would get so upset and I really don't like being upset around other people if I can help it. By myself I could cry. And I did.

It was a GOOD book.. like, say, if you DON'T have a kid or know a kid on the spectrum, it was very well written, definitely drew out the ending (hello second to LAST PAGE???) and really brought you into his world.. her world... the brother's world. I think it's a great book to open the eyes for people who don't know what it's like.

As a mother.. well first off let me say that while I am NOT a single mom I do the lion's share of the childcare duties. Jason usually wakes about an hour before he has to leave for work and isn't home till after the kids are sleeping. On the weekends he sleeps in but he does get up and play with them, takes them to the park so I can clean the house in peace, does video games, etc etc. But for the most part, I am handling them on my own so I do understand some of what she's going thru.

And I can TOTALLY see the little brother's resentment about everything he wants being derailed by what his brother needs or wants. There's no way I could do that, nor would Heather let me. Sometimes.. Mikey just has to understand it can't be the way he thinks it should be. Often that requires a lengthy (days or more) conversation about whats going on and induces lots of tears, anger, unhappiness. But there's just nothing I can do about it. Not that Heather gets it her way all the time either. I'd say it's about 50/50 and generally dependent on the actual situation.

With that being said.. there's no way I think that Mikey's needs could completely override Heather's ALL THE TIME and I disliked that about the book. Of course the younger brother was mad. I would be too.

Just going to say here that I have been working on this for over an hour.. its incredibly hard to get into the book without also paralleling our lives with it which leads to huge paragraphs and frankly, if you are a long time reader of my blog, most of this you already know. So I am gonna take a deep breath and try again.

The hardest parts of the book for me? When he was interviewed at the station (I would kick that asshole in the BALLS) and then his jail time. Holy crap. Mikey has separation anxiety from me as it is.. to think about my baby, even at age 18, being thrown into jail? I might very well lose it. How Jacob handled it.. had me bawling. Literally.. I do commend the mother on finding the first lawyer she could and AT LEAST getting something done but omg..

And when she got to visit him. Again.. bawling. I am tearing up now thinking about it. THAT was the most horrifying parts of the book for me and took me days to get through.

What pissed me off? HELLO WHY DID NOONE ASK HIM IF HE KILLED HER??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

See how mad I am?

They asked ALL THE WRONG QUESTIONS... questions that implicated him. Questions that didnt solve anything. MORONS. Because he only answered what he was asked. And he answered it truthfully. But if you are going in with the mindset he killed her... it seems implicating.

I suspected the brother in a way.. although everything I read led me to believe he DIDN'T kill her but I felt like Jacob thought he was protecting him anyways. I still honestly did think SOMEONE killed her though. Maybe the boyfriend.

It was nice for the Dad to come back around. What wasn't nice? Romance between the Mom and the lawyer? REALLY???? Your son is on trial for murder but you can bang his lawyer?? I am sorry, I know she probably throws romance into all her books and I would have been fine with this AFTER THE TRIAL... but during it just ticked me off.

Anyways.. Alls well that ends well? I have never spent over a week on any book (Have I mentioned I read HP 7 in roughly 8 hours?). This one I had to space out just due to the emotions involved. I could be here all day if I didn't want a mass exodus of my what.. 4 readers? lol but I write mostly to get my feelings out and I guess I have.

I want people to read this (much like I wanted people to watch 'Adam') if only to further understand what its like for my son. He isn't a bad kid. He is an amazing kid and if you spend enough time really trying to get to know him.. how he works.. you see that.

In the few months we have had Abby he has fallen in love with Amber (he calls her Amazing Amber lol) and is upset on the weekend when we don't have Abby. He never shuts up about seeing Jade (hint hint). His family is so important to him and he also never shuts up about any of them.. he actually has asked to go see Dad and Cindy in NC BY HIMSELF and initiated spending the night with my Mom. They chat on Yahoo a lot. He hasn't been able to spend the night with anyone in probably over a year. Big progress for him.

I want the stereotype gone.. I want people to stop expecting my son to be like them and try to get on his level. Fortunately most of my family already does this. I would like to see more of the world do it too.

I liked the book. I would like more people to read it. Especially those who know Mikey. It was an emotional roller coaster for me but for most.. I think it will be informative. Autism Awareness.. that's pretty much what I am all about.

Me and the King

See that? That's me and the Lich King. He's a bad guy. You know, the guy the entire expansion was named after. Soon we're gonna kill him.

I was actually pretty happy to be there. I haven't raided in something like 6 weeks. I took some time off to deal with the move but beyond that, my computer just couldn't take it anymore. All my video/graphics setting were at their lowest possible setting and it was still really bad. Boss fights were going at 1-4 fps. It could take me 3-5 minutes to log off one toon and on to another. Coming in to Dalaran it could take minutes for me to even see other people. And the highest fps I would get there would be about 30 (remember at the lowest possible settings.. so theres hardly any detail or anything).

So on the recommendation of a friend I purchased the parts to build my own computer. Overall, it's cheaper to do it that way. It ended up being a nightmare of epic proportions for me that I do not care to detail, however after mailing the entire thing to friends to fix, I received it back Saturday and it's AMAZING.

So last night I was asked to help out in a ten man and I got to see what it was like to raid with this computer. I run about 75 fps all the time now, the boss fights took it down to the 30-40. 30-40 fps in the middle of boss fights with my graphics on high settings! Thats what I got standing still on my old computer with crappy settings. I am seeing things I never actually saw in the game before. My most commonly used phrase right now is "Oh so that's what (insert zone/instance/city) looks like...."

Anyways, what you have here is one happy priest ready to check out a 25 man raid tonight!

So far, so good...

Well we're moved in. The actual moving part was hell. We rented the truck Wednesday and a friend of Moms helped us load the heavier stuff. Then a friend of ours came by later and helped with boxes. It was during this time I realized it was a GOOD thing only the largest truck was available.

Jason hadn't gone thru any of his tools so he said he had to take them ALL and sort thru them later. He always wanted to take the old bike he hadn't worked on in over a year. And his toolboxes. Our bed is huge, we have alot of TV's, Mikey's bed, some bookcases.. well add it all up and we used pretty close to every spare inch and I was SO TIRED.

Dad got called out Wednesday night so he was unable to help us move in but fortunately my Mom's friend could and we couldn't have done it without him. No way I could have helped with some of the heavier stuff. That day also sucked. Jason went back to the house and got a cat plus some other things and didn't get back home till 1 am. He also spent almost all day Friday cleaning the old place and brought another cat home.

So now we are unpacking and setting up. It's hard to find new places for stuff but we'll get there. I took Mikey to get registered at his new school yesterday. He was not happy about the new school at ALL but he turned around once we got there and looked around! They have a computer lab (wooo). His teacher told him they could talk about Sonic. And he loved the huge picture of all the students in the hallway. He wants his picture RIGHT in the middle haha.

So I took him back today and spoke with the teacher a bit about my concerns. She had already made some Sonic laminate cards for Mikey's areas. She told him he could be in charge of turning on and off the computers every day. I left him a note to read if he missed me and although he seemed a bit weepy as I left, he still seemed in good spirits about it.

Dad, Heather and I picked him up this afternoon and the teacher said he had a very good day. He got a bit sad at times and said he missed me but overall, he did great. I am thrilled because changing schools was my BIGGEST concern for him. Hopefully, although I am sure there will be hurdles, his good attitude remains for the rest of the school year.

Now to finish unpacking..

IEP Meeting

This morning was Mikey's IEP meeting. It was supposed to be done around April but seeing as how tomorrow is his last day, they moved it up so that I would be able to take it to the new school, which is definitely appreciated.

Of course, it wasn't great. Academically Mikey isn't doing as well as he could be according to everyone. They know he CAN do the work, the question is, will he? His day to day schoolwork was a mess, but individualized tests show him more than capable or anything they are giving him. Of course, they have to take the whole picture.

His behavior was a big topic, and on that particular note, while he just started the new med last night, he has been off the old one since last Thursday and we have seen steady improvement as it has filtered out of his system. Today he got 116/120 points at school.. this was the first week he has scored over 100 in a LONG time so I do believe the medication was not a good fit for him.

While most goals stay the same, his teacher did add one thing under Assitive Methods/Devices, and that was for Mikey to be able to use a word processor/computer for some work if possible. She said they have never seen a child whose handwriting did not improve over the years until Mikey. It's awful. She was not able to implement that this year because it was not written into his last IEP or she would have during FCATs, but next year they will be able to.

So it was about what I expected, which mostly wasn't good. But also, it could have been worse.. right?

As far as the move goes, we've pushed it back a few days. Jason had to order a part for our car which won't be here till Friday, then he will have to spend all day Saturday fixing it. He still has to pack up the shed and back porch so it just seemed easier to move later in the week. Jason and Mikey are both off anyways.

I have been packing the inside of the house. Heather's bedroom is done, our bed and bathroom is mostly done, the kids bathroom hardly has anything in it, and the living room is getting started. Mikey's room I will probably save for last, so as to cause him the least amount of issues. Packing is rough! I am throwing away as much as I can but.. yeah.

Getting Mikey Excited To Move

Well, we've been talking about it for about 6 months now. The big day is only a few weeks off. The last week of March, while Jason is on vacation and Mikey is out of school for Spring Break, we'll be moving from Deltona, back to Orlando.

In a very lucky move for us, we'll be taking over Dad and Cindy's place, as they prepare for their new home in North Carolina. It will save us considerable money, and we'll be closer to alot of family. I'll be watching my niece to help my step-sister (a single mom) out during the day. Jason will be closer to work, which is less gas and less wear and tear on our already failing car.

All in all it's a win-win. Except for one thing. Mikey. Being autistic, change is one of the hardest things he has to deal with. New things cause him lots of anxiety. He likes routine, predictability, and stability. Take this school year for example. It's been nothing but hard for him. Going from three years of the same teacher, routine, and classroom to a totally new setting and well.. you guys have read most of my posts on how its gone.

The last few weeks to a month or so he has gotten worse and I know its because of anxiety about the move. There's just no way around it, but arguing and fighting with him about it wasn't doing either of us ANY good. I needed to find a way, on his level, to get him excited about it.. at least PART of it.

First off.. make the new house look as much like the old house as possible. While Mikey is angling for the same color paint in the living room (a feat I am not even sure is possible), I have agreed to set his bedroom up exactly like it is here. Bedroom, bookcase, etc all in the same place.. posters up the same way.. shelves, etc. Same with Heather's room, except we'll be replacing the crib she only slept in for a few months with a new big girl bed.

Same for the living room too, as much as we can. Another thing that he is excited about, is helping us pick out NEW things for the house. The kids bathroom has been Spiderman themed since before Heather was born. I asked him if he'd like to help me pick all ALL NEW stuff for their bathroom and he was way more into that then I thought he'd be. He said he wanted to help us pick out EVERYTHING for the new house. Well, ok.

These things are somewhat small in the grand scheme but anything is something. He will be at a whole new school (and not the one I thought he'd go to) and I don't expect it to go well. Perhaps the summer will make things a little easier for him, but I take what I can get.

The Funeral

Yesterday was a really rough, emotional day for me. I figured it would be. Dad and Cindy came by and got me around 9:15 am and we headed out. We met my Aunt, Uncle and cousin at the funeral home. Granny and Grampy were behind us and my Dad's best friend of over 20 years came also. I thought it was an incredibly nice gesture for them to come, seeing as how they have no relation to her. The more family around (and Dave is like family after all this time) the better support.

It was hard to go into the viewing area. It was closed casket, as it had been for both my Nana and Granddad. Grandma had always said she didn't like open casket and I can't say I blame her, so I wasn't surprised. My Grandma Millsap's viewing had been open casket and it took me the better part of an hour or so to go in. In the end two of my cousins went with me. To each their own, but I think when it's my time, I'd prefer closed casket too.

My cousin Diana had made two collages. One was my Grandmother growing up. There were pictures of her as a girl, a teen, a young adult. Pictures of her with both my Dad and Uncle as babies. The other collage was of her family. Grandma with my Nana, Granddad, my cousins and myself. Even Mikey was in there. I think my favorite was the one of us at my wedding. We all looked really happy. Even better, some of the pictures of my Granddad were before the stroke. She did a wonderful job and it was nice to look at those and remember all the things we had done.

The viewing was an hour long, in which of course, we met many people who knew her. Most I didn't know, but a few I did, including an old Sunday School teacher. Alot of stories about my Grandma. During this time we learned about a ring my grandmother had been wearing when she passed. They had asked if she should be buried with it, but my Dad and Uncle said no. Originally we weren't sure what ring it was, turned out to be her high school class ring. I remember her showing it to me and she wore it just as much as her wedding ring.


The first part of the service was some singing and talking about the facts of Grandma's life. The singing was probably the hardest part for me. I remember my Grandma singing those songs. I even remember singing one myself, with my Grandma signing the verses and then us signing the chorus together. One of my favorite memories.

Then came the actual service. I certainly have mixed feelings about that. Not going to get into it all here but I wasn't thrilled completely with how it was handled, although there were nice moments. I suppose after my Nana and Granddad's funerals I should have expected the "If you aren't saved you are going to HELL" part of the service but it didn't make it any easier. No offense to any Christians, but the FUNERAL of a loved one is not IMO the time to be telling them they are doomed. But that's just me.

Lastly came the graveside service, which wasn't too much, a few words and that was all. I got a rose off my Grandma's casket (well someone got it for me). Some people threw their roses into the grave where she'd be lain to rest. I kept mine. After some mingling, thank yous, and more condolences, it was over.

Afterwards we all met at a small Italian restaurant up the street. It was nice to spend some time with everyone, especially the family I don't see much. My Dad or my Uncle alone are pretty funny guys. You put them together and it's hard to stop laughing. Add my Dad's best friend into the mix and yeah.. it was a good few hours of laughing, good food and reminiscing.

Finally however it was time to go. We all said our goodbye's, Dad and Uncle Mark went thru a few more things we had gotten from the funeral home and that was it. Right before we left the restaurant, my Dad gave me my Grandma's high school ring.

It's hard to explain how much that meant to me. Having a piece of her.. a very old and important piece, means more to me than I can express. I will treasure it and more than likely one day pass it to Heather.

As we were leaving Citrus County I remarked to my Dad and Cindy that it was hard to believe I'd likely never be back. I'd been coming out here all my life. I knew landmarks like the back of my hand. So many memories out here. And now that's the end of them.

But if the pastor got anything right during the service, it's that my Grandmother wanted to go. She wanted to be with My Granddad. Now she is, along with her parents and multiple other special people in her life. She's probably pretty happy up there. It doesn't mean I will miss her any less...

Remembering Grandma

My grandmother passed away Saturday, February 27th 2010. You could say it was expected, as her health has been deteriorating lately. But I am not sure you are ever ready for the death of someone you love. I sure wasn't.

My Grandma was such an amazing person. It was easy to be slightly scared by her as a child. She brooked NO insolence and one look from her could freeze you and have you seriously reconsidering your actions. You just didn't mess with Grandma. But I remember other stuff too. Like a trip to the toy store when I turned 6. Summers spent tagging along to the Deaf Service Center. Letters back and forth when I was in the hospital.. so many things.

We were close. I took an instant affinity to sign language. Grandma was a Deaf Interpreter and I remember taking classes as young as 5 with my Mom where my grandma was teaching. We'd sign often during summers where I wanted to practice. I spent as much time as I could at her job, talking to deaf people, and eventually took college courses in that direction.

But aside from a mutual love for ASL, we had closeness. Grandma was very religious.. Southern Baptist. I spent most of my childhood the daughter of a preacher so I got that part. I was never fond of witnessing (canvassing areas for other people to try and get them to come to church). There were several things IN the Bible I wasn't down with (issues with gay marriage for one.. I felt strongly about this before I ever graduated high school) but overall I would spend spring breaks with Grandma doing her church's revivals and whatnot. I liked the camaraderie, the singing, friendship, food.. even if I didn't always agree with the message.

As strong as Grandma felt about her religion.. she didn't try to force other people to feel the same nor did she necessarily block people who felt different. No, she wasn't down with discussing say Wiccan.. so much. But she didn't begrudge those who chose that path. She just wasn't able to listen to it.

When I got pregnant with Mikey and time came to tell Grandma I was worried, I won't lie. We weren't married. Totally against her religion. I am not sure I could have heard a prouder Grandma than her over the phone that day. She was thrilled. She was there for Mikey's birth. She was at our wedding. And at no point in any of that did she make us feel bad for having a child out of wedlock. She loved Mikey, Jason and me all together.

I could be here for days telling you how amazing my Grandma was. Literally. But I doubt anyone would stick around that long. Suffice to say.. she shaped me. She played a major role in the woman I am today. I don't nor have I ever judged someone based on beliefs or ideals. My own parents also instilled this in me but hey.. where do you think My Dad got it from?

Lastly.. her loyalty. My grandfather had a stroke when I was 14. I remember it all like yesterday. Getting called out of school.. the drive.. the hospital for days.. the rehab.. him coming home. He wasn't the same man and he never would be. I still loved him.. always will. But as an adult now I can see the difficulties it presented my grandmother.

Imagine having the person you love, married, had kids with... permanently disabled. I can see it clearer now.. with Mikey. A day off pills for him and you are ready for the loony bin (love you anyways buddy). Every single day for the next ten years my Grandma worked with him. I know it wasn't easy. I remember Dad talking to him sometimes about working with her better. Granddad couldn't help it. I imagine inside, he was as angry about what happened to him as we were. But he was the one living it.







She refused any offer to put him in a nursing home. She took care of him and in the latter stages my Nana (her mom) all the way up to the very end. She didn't have to. She could have sent him somewhere and visited and you know what. It would have been ok. She had enough to deal with anyways. But she didn't. She loved him that much.. that it was her.. taking care of him. All the way up to the end.

My Granddad and Nana passed away within months of each other in 1999. Since then, its just been Grandma. She herself had to go to a nursing home years ago. And I haven't been able to see her as much as I would have liked due to Mikey's issues and Jason's work schedule. But ..

Grandma.. you were simply put one of the most amazing women I have known. I adored you down to the tips of my toes as a kid/teenager and it never really changed. I wish you didn't have to go.. I wish you could stay. I would love for Heather to get to know you. But don't worry. She's going to hear all about you.. and how you were there for me.. and all the things I admire about you. I love you Grandma.

More later after the funeral..